Pray For Me
by Crazed Individual
Summary: Ichigo is a drug addict. After many failed attempts of quitting, he gives up and lets the drugs consume him. His life is spiraling out of control and he can't stop it. Can a certain raven-haired female help him? IchiRuki
1. I

**Hey guys! Here's another fic by me...hahaa. This one is very different from my usual writing style... I mean I'm sure I'll find a way to add _some_ humorous moments into this... but overall it's _very_ dark and serious... and it deals with extremely serious subjects. I loved the idea of writing this though, and I had to do it... so I hope it's alright! This is my first story from first person, too. I feel like this story needs to be in first person... I don't know why.**

**Now... I have no experience with anything mentioned in this story so I don't know if I'll be able to portray it well...but I will try my best, I promise!**

**I also do not own the song used in this story, which is _Pray for Me_ by _SIXX:AM._ Very good song and band... Nikki Sixx (the bassist for this band and Motley Crue) is my idol, and he actually inspired this story with his book _The Heroin Diaries_. Haha. Some ideas will be taken from there, probably, so that will help me out. I'm going to stop this here before I write a whole novel of _just_ author's notes!  
**_Disclaimer:_ I do not own Bleach, The Heroin Diaries, or the song Pray for Me by SIXX:AM_  
Warnings_: I only want to put one warning, so here's the overall warning: this story contains drug use, self-mutilation, maybe sexual content, death, and swearing. Please be prepared!

* * *

_She lights a candle, but she doesn't know why.  
She wants to save me, but I'm barely alive.  
My soul is thirsty. I just wanna get high.  
Make her go away. _

_

* * *

  
_

Happy Birthday To Me.

"July 15th..." I groaned to myself, rolling over in my bed. "Big fucking deal..."

Big fucking deal is right. There's nothing special about today. Today is exactly the same as any other day. I mean, why would today be any different? It's not like my friends care enough about me to go out of their way to do something – even get me a cake. Whatever.

I sighed and sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I glanced over at my alarm clock – 12:47pm. I slept in again – great. Ishida was going to be angry.

"I don't care..." I muttered to myself, sliding out of bed and padding around my room barefoot. Talking to myself has become a bad habit lately. Not like I have anyone else to talk to...

I went into the bathroom and glanced at myself in the mirror. Well, didn't I just look handsome.

My face was pale...so pale... I looked like a ghost. My greasy, usually vibrant orange hair even seemed duller. The natural spikes had flattened out. My eyes were sunken in and looked darker than usual. If someone were to compare a picture of me now, to a picture of me two years ago, they'd never think it was the same person...

I sighed heavily and proceeded to brush my teeth for the first time that week. I even managed to take a shower... God knows how long it's been since I took one.

I know it sounds disgusting. It _is_ disgusting... but when you're in my situation, nothing matters. The only thing that matters is drugs. Drugs are all that is ever on my mind...

They've consumed me. Heroin and cocaine the most. I guess it all started when I was 18 and thought I was tough shit, and started hanging out with a bad crowd...

I guess it was like their initiation test... they had handed me a joint, and told me to smoke it... Honestly, I was a little uncomfortable. I wasn't into that shit. But seeing no harm in simply trying it, I did it. At first it felt weird. I was confused. I was afraid. Not wanting to seem like a wuss, I smoked with them once again, but that time I liked it. From that moment on, I was in their "group" and they always had shit for me to try. I began to smoke cigarettes...and that's where the trouble started.

Cigarettes are the fucking gateway to everything else. After becoming addicted to cigarettes, I wanted anything and _everything_. I began to do ecstasy at parties, drink until I passed out, and so much more. Then... cocaine appeared in my life.

I did it once... and then I was hooked. It was amazing. I'd never felt so good before. I blew _all_ of my money on it.

Once I was doing some lines with a "friend" in the park at night, and his dealer dropped by. He offered us heroin. At first my friend and I were hesitant, but I thought "Fuck it" and bought some. After the first time we shot it up... we knew we were fucked. We were terrified and excited at the same time. Once it got into our system, all we could think was _more, more, more_. We wanted more of it and would do anything to get it.

From that day forward, I became a heroin addict and I knew my life was slowly spiraling downwards. I loved it, though... the effect of drugs. It made me forget everything. Especially one thing – my mother.

I loved my mother... and when she died, I felt as if my life was over. I wanted nothing to do with anyone... I just wanted to die. Then I met heroin... and everything was alright.

I almost always did it in the same spot – under the bridge near the riverbank where my mother died. I would crouch up in a corner of the dirty, old bridge and shoot up. No one ever came there; there was a nicer park just five minutes away. It was like my own little hideout. The apartment I rented out was right across from the riverbank. If you ask me why I chose that one, of all areas... I wouldn't be able to give you an answer.

My dad was becoming suspicious of what I did when I went out. I had lost a lot of weight and my skin had turned a sickly yellow color. My grades in school dropped drastically and I became very anti-social. So I decided I wanted to move out.

My dad was shocked and said I wasn't ready to be on my own. I told him I would be fine and he should just stay out of my business...I said some other pretty harsh things, but he let me go. He gave me a bank card and told me to spend it wisely... buy myself a nice place and shit. I told him I'd take good care of the money.

Well, look at me now. A shit-hole apartment, crappy car, no food, nothing. All of the money spent has gone to drugs. My dad had put quite a hefty amount of money into the bank account, so there's well over half of it left. Most likely, in the future, it'll all go to drugs. God, I'm fucked.

As I stepped out of the bathroom in a towel, feeling cleaner than I had in a while, my phone rang. I sighed heavily, knowing who it was. I walked to the phone and picked it up. "What, Ishida?"

"What the hell, Ichigo!?" My best friend of ten years yelled over the phone. "You were supposed to be here three hours ago!"

"Sorry... I woke up late." I sighed. "I'll still come and help set up, just give me a couple minutes."

"I don't even know why I still put up with you." Ishida growled. "Bye." The line clicked, and Ishida was gone.

Ishida's pretty much the only guy I can call a true friend. Sure, we have our arguments... but he's always been there. He knows I'm an addict...and he's been trying to help me get through it. His attempts are useless, but he never gives up. I just wish I had the ability to care about him as much as he cares about me.

His fiancée Orihime's bridal shower is tomorrow. I promised I'd help set everything up before the actual shower tomorrow so that everything is prepared. I'm such a great friend, aren't I? God, I make myself sick. I hate how I don't _care_ enough. It's my fault, I guess... my fault for making the stupidest decision anyone could ever make.

I dried my hair and scavenged around my room for some clean clothes. I somehow managed to find some and I quickly changed, grabbing my keys and wallet and heading out.

I slid into my beat-up Honda and drove away from my apartment building, towards the club Orihime's shower was being held at.

"What have you been doing all morning?!" Was the first thing I was greeted with when I walked into the area reserved for Orihime's party. Ishida stormed up to me angrily, demanding an answer. I shrugged.

"I told you, I slept in." I sighed. Ishida slightly calmed down and gave me a weary glance. He turned to the long table behind him and grabbed a plastic bag full of decorations.

"Orihime called one of her friends to come early, so everything but the decorations are set up. Put them up."

"Yes master," I muttered, taking the bag and pulling out girlish tablecloths, confetti, and deflated balloons. Ishida glared at me, not in the mood for my attitude, and went over the chair he had placed his jacket on. He pulled out a small box and walked back towards me, holding it out. I stopped smoothing the tablecloth onto the table and looked at him oddly.

"Happy birthday." He said quietly as I took the box from his hands. I looked up at him.

"You remembered." I said, unable to hide the surprise on my face. Ishida gave me a small smile.

"I'm not like you, Ichigo. I remember my friends' birthdays." That made me feel bad... I never remember to get Ishida anything, or even wish him a happy birthday.

"Sorry, Ishida... I know I'm -" Ishida interrupted me and patted me on the back.

"It's okay, you'll be alright soon enough... I promise." He gave me one last look and walked to where Orihime was talking to her friend at the back of the party area. I looked down at the present and sighed, placing it into my jacket pocket. I'd open it later.

I continued to set up the table decorations, and Orihime's friend – I'm guessing - came walking towards me. I tried not to stare, but once I actually saw her face, she was really cute and I couldn't help it... She was short and thin, and her eyes were incredible. They were large and the most unique shade of blue I'd ever seen. Her hair was black and flicked out at the ends, and a strand was out of place, in the middle of her face. It was cute.

She stood next to me, watching me scatter the confetti across the table. I glanced up at her, then quickly looked back down, not saying a word. She continued to stare, blinking. I shut my eyes, becoming slightly annoyed, as I continued to scatter the confetti. Okay, this was ridiculous.

"What?!" I demanded, slamming the pack of confetti onto the table and looking at her. She didn't even look at me.

"You're making it look ugly." She pointed at the table. "You should mix the yellow and pink... it would be cuter than just one side yellow and one side pink."

I gaped at her. "So why don't you do it?!" I growled. What the hell?

"It's not that hard." She huffed, shoving me aside and grabbing the packets. She sprinkled a little pink confetti, then some yellow on top. She then took her hand and swirled them together evenly. I had to admit... it did look better.

"Whatever." I mumbled. She grinned at me.

"I'm Rukia Kuchiki."

"Ichigo Kurosaki." Could she leave me alone now? She was cute and all, but I could tell she was definitely going to irritate me. I'm sure she knew I was annoyed, but she continued to pester me.

"I've never seen you before." Rukia commented. "How come?"

"I don't get out much." I said curtly, grabbing the bag of confetti packets and heading for the next table. She followed. Damn.

"Why's that?"

"I don't like going out."

"How come?"

"I just don't!"

"You must have a reason!"

"Well I don't."

"I'm sure you do. What is it?"

I'd had enough. I threw the bag onto the table and whirled around to face her, curling my hands into fists. "Do you ever stop with the fucking questions?! Jesus Christ!" I roared. Unfortunately, I had forgotten we were in a large and empty hall... so it echoed. Ishida, Orihime, and their mothers turned to look at me, surprised. Rukia just blinked.

I sighed heavily and mumbled an apology, rubbing my forehead and rushing out of the hall. Ishida quickly followed. "Ichigo!" he called. I ignored him. He continued to run after me. "Ichigo, wait!"

I sighed and stopped, turning to face him. "I'm sorry, Ishida... I can't help out."

"You've got to control your temper, Ichigo..." Ishida sighed, looking at me worriedly. I looked down. Ever since I had become... an addict... my temper had gotten worse. I exploded at the littlest things. "Well... I guess we can finish without you... go home and _rest. _Okay?" He knew what I wanted to do when I got home... he knew all too well.

"Well -" I was interrupted by Ishida's death glare. "I'll try." I mumbled.

"Please Ichigo. For me." I nodded and sighed, waving goodbye and heading for my car. Ishida shook his head and headed back into the party hall. I entered my car and put the keys in the ignition, turning it. My car didn't start.

My eyes widened. "No way..." I whispered. I was out of gas. "Damn it!" I groaned, hitting my forehead on the wheel.

"Want a ride?" I looked up to see Rukia standing outside my car door, tilting her head to the side curiously.

Just my luck.

* * *

**What did you guys think!? I know this was terribly written... but it's the first chapter, cut me some slack! Haha. I promise it'll get better – I just had to lay everything out and explain the background story... and I'm terrible at writing that kinda stuff, as you can see. There is humor... but not as much as there is angst and stuff!**

**I also wanna say, everything mentioned in this story (drugs, abuse, etc) is _not_ good. I am not writing about it because I think it's fine... it bothers me a _lot_ and I wish no one had to turn to doing these things... but I did feel the need to write this story. I feel it'll be a change for me since I usually write totally happy stories...If anyone is suffering difficulties dealing with the things mentioned in this story, I am sorry if this offends you – and I hope you are able to get over your struggles as soon as possible!**

**but if this story doesn't get very positive feedback, I will understand that you guys don't like this idea very much, and I can take it down! Just please tell me what you thought of it, and if I should get rid of it...change anything...etc. I am aware I have not experienced any sort of addiction and I can't capture the emotions perfectly, but I will try my best! Thank you!**

**(I promise the authors notes of following chapters will NOT be this long...LOL. Well, I can't promise...I never shut up :S It's impossible, I'm sorry!)**


	2. II

**Oh wow, how long has it been since I updated this?! I hope you guys aren't too angry... I'll try my best to make updates quicker. This story got _much_ better feedback than I had expected – thank you so much! I'm so happy you all are liking this idea. I hope I can continue to make it enjoyable :)**

**Anyway, sorry about slow updates. But I will work harder on updating, I promise! For my other stories as well, I've been such a procrastinator! To make up for the long wait, I've slightly edited the first chapter. I improved some of the grammar and I added a little bit extra :) I hope that lets me off a little... haha. Anyway, moving along...**

**

* * *

**

_She lights a candle, but she doesn't know why.  
She wants to save me, but I'm barely alive.  
My soul is thirsty. I just wanna get high.  
Make her go away.  


* * *

_

"So did you go to school at Karakura High?" Rukia asked as she switched her Cadillac (you could only imagine the look on my face when she took me to her car) into reverse, pulling out of her parking spot. I sighed, nodding. And so the questions begin...

"I guess that kinda explains why I don't really know you." She shrugged, driving down the road. "I went to Seireitei. But those two schools did have a lot of joint activities..."

"I'm not exactly an activity kind of person." I mumbled, glancing out the window.

"That's no fun." Rukia smiled, glancing over at me. "You should be more social... you'd be less grumpy."

"I'm fine." I grunted. Rukia sighed and rolled her eyes, turning left at an intersection. I frowned. Didn't she hear me when I told her where I lived?

"You're going the wrong way." I told her. "It was to the right."

"We're not going to your house." She said. "We're going to a movie!"

"What?!" I exclaimed. "Why?"

"You need to lighten up! Our best friends are getting married...we'll be around each other a lot. Clearly you don't like me, so we gotta make this work out! We're gonna see a movie together! Maybe you'll loosen up..." she muttered, driving into the cinema's parking lot.

"I can't believe this..." I sighed. I did _not_ want to see a movie with this annoying midget. I _hated_ going out. I _hated_ the movies. Too many people in one room. I wish I had something to calm me down...

I was picturing running off, far away from this Rukia chick, and going home to chase the dragon as we made the short walk inside the cinema, but my thoughts were quickly wiped away as I heard someone call out my name.

"Yo, Ichigo!"

"Hey! Ichigooooooooooooooo!"

I looked ahead to see two old 'friends' of mine from high school. I was really surprised once I saw them. To put it bluntly, they looked like shit. Their hair was greasy and tangled, and much too long. Their skin was a sickly yellow color, and their eyes were so sunken in that it made them look as if they had heavy make-up around their eyes. They were completely skin and bones, and their unwashed clothing hung off of them.

It deeply disturbed me to realize I probably didn't look much better than these guys on a regular day. I never realized how bad I really was until I saw others exactly like me... It's a huge wake-up call to the lucky few, but I'm so far gone that it doesn't affect me any more.

I saw Rukia examine them as they came towards us, very unimpressed, out of the corner of my eye and I sighed deeply, forcing a small smile. I'm surprised I even knew how to smile any more – even if it was a little fake.

"Uh, hey." I said awkwardly as they grinned widely, showing off their yellowing teeth.

"Who's this?" The taller one, Kenji, said loudly. He looked at Rukia, who raised an eyebrow. "Your girlfriend?"

"No, just a new friend." I said quickly. "We're...seeing a movie, I guess."

"Yes, and we should probably buy our tickets now before they sell out." Rukia said quickly. "It's a Friday after all."

"We'll go with you!" The other, Sano said happily. "We were just about to freebase a little, then go into that new horror movie that came out. It'll be so fuckin' awesome. Want to join?"

I saw Rukia cringe a little and I felt my insides churn. I was _not_ going to let anything out about myself to Rukia. No way. "Uh, no thanks guys. We weren't going to see that movie. And we'd rather not... do that." I said quickly, grabbing Rukia's arm. "I'll see you guys later." With that, I pulled Rukia away and towards the movie line.

"By the way, Ichigo," Kenji said they passed us, heading towards the exit – probably to freebase somewhere privately before the movie. "I need James' number, I'm running low on jive."

I nearly punched him in the face. What dumb piece of shit says that in public? "Not now." I said quickly. "Call me later and I'll give it to you."

"Alright. See you later. Bye Rukia!" The two walked away and a wave of relief washed over me. That was really close. Rukia and I stood in line for quite a bit of time, only moving a few feet every little while. We stayed in silence for about five minutes.

"They're... interesting people." Rukia said finally, looking straight ahead. I shrugged awkwardly. "What's freebasing?" Well, she certainly didn't waste time. "And who's James, and what is jive?"

"Freebasing, well, uh..." I said, running a hand through my hair nervously. "It's just a fancy word for smoking." I lied quickly. Honestly, I wasn't _really_ lying. "A pretty bad habit, I know, but they like it. James is a friend of ours, and jive is... Viagra. Kenji is pretty...active." I said, forcing a light laugh. Rukia took a moment to process this information, then nodded slowly, although I doubt she totally believed me.

"Why are you friends with people like that?" She asked. "I can tell they're addicts of some sort. I'm also guessing James is their dealer... which is what surprises me – you must know him for a reason. Are you... into that?" She looked at me, slightly wary.

"No, no!" I said quickly, almost too quickly. I sighed. "Alright, they are a little..._off_, but I'm _not_ like that. Seriously. And James really isn't a dealer – he works at the drugstore, so he always gives us stuff for a little cheaper..." I was amazed at how quickly I made up this story – and the fact that Rukia seemed to actually _believe_ it.

"Okay." She said. "But you really shouldn't speak to people like them. They're bad influences."

"They're really not that bad." I said defensively, and Rukia simply shrugged lightly, pulling out her wallet as we nearly reached the ticket salesperson behind the counter.

"Two for Couples Retreat, please." She said, pulling out a twenty. I gaped at her as the man took the money and processed the tickets.

"I can pay for myself!" I exclaimed, yanking out my wallet and pulling out a ten. "Here, take it!" I held it in front of her, but Rukia simply stared at it.

"I don't mind." She shrugged. "I dragged you along, I might as well pay for you."

The cashier blinked. "Um, miss, here's your -"

"No, take it." I insisted, shoving the bill closer to her face. She glared at me.

"Miss there are customers -"

"Put the money away." She said, snatching our tickets from the confused cashier, and grabbing my arm and dragging me out of the line. I protested, trying to shove the money into her wallet but she wasn't having any of it. She stomped on my foot, and that definitely shut me up.

"What are we even seeing?" I asked, staring at the ticket she had forced into my hands. Couples Retreat?

"No idea." Rukia said. "I just bought whatever one was about to start. Popcorn?"

"No thanks," I said, shaking my head. Rukia shrugged and walked past the concession stand, towards the worker who checked the tickets. We handed him our tickets and we headed past the rope, into the theater on our right. As soon as we entered the seating area, my heart sank.

The theater was nearly full. What the fuck? Why was there so many people in a theater, at almost 2 o'clock, on a Friday? Did they not have lives? (As if I could talk.) I suddenly became very uneasy. I hated being around so many people at once... I could feel a headache coming on... I wish I had some junk... I would feel so much better.

"Are you okay?" Rukia turned to me curiously, noticing my unhappy expression as I stared at the crowd. My head quickly snapped to look at her, breaking out of my unhealthy thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm completely fine." I was amazed at how well I could lie today. She didn't even suspect me this time, she simply nodded and walked up the steps, picking a section where only 2 seats remained. Great – I was stuck between a shitload of smelly, annoying people. I can't remember the last time I was in such a public place.

We quickly sat down just as the previews for upcoming movies started and I immediately closed my eyes, rubbing my temples. It was so fucking _loud_. The blaring of the movie speakers, the people next to me, behind me, in front of me... It was too much. I felt sick. I felt dizzy. I wanted to _leave_.

"R-Rukia, I think I need some air." I said, quickly standing up. Rukia was about to protest, but simply stayed silent and watched me as I made my way through the very packed row of annoyed people. I rushed down the stairs and out of the showing room and main area, standing on the front steps of the cinema.

I leaned against a column and brought a hand to my chest, trying to calm my breathing. That was an absolute nightmare... I have no idea why that affected me so badly. I just couldn't stand being in such a packed place... It made me feel nauseous.

"Get a hold of yourself..." I whispered to myself, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. Come on, I could do this. It's _just_ a movie. I spotted Kenji and Sano over in the far corner smoking and smiling stupidly, and I suddenly became extremely envious. They were lucky – they had an escape.

The thought of joining them crossed my mind, but I quickly forced it out of my head. Rukia brought me here and paid for my ticket so I could enjoy the movie. I wasn't going to do that to her. And for some reason, I didn't want her to think badly of me. I didn't want her to know I was an addict. For some reason, I liked the fact she thought I was normal.

Finally having regained my composure, I stood straight and headed back inside, forcing myself not to look around at Kenji and Sano as they laughed loudly. I pulled out my ticket stub and showed it to the cinema worker and headed back into the showing room, heading up the stairs towards my seat. Stepping over the feet of annoyed couples, I slid back into my seat, letting out a small sigh.

Rukia looked at me curiously. "Are you alright?" She asked. I swallowed deeply and nodded.

"Y-yeah," I said. "Just... my stomach acting up. I'm alright now, though."

"Good." Rukia nodded, smiling slightly. She looked nice when she smiled, even when in a dark theater. "I brought you a bottle of water, just in case." She held out a bottle to me and I blinked in surprise.

"Thanks..." I said appreciatively, taking it from her. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad... she _was_ a nice person. Maybe if I just forgot the fact that I was surrounded by hundreds of people, I could actually _enjoy_ this. I just wondered if I still remembered how to have fun... without the drugs, that is.

* * *

In the end, the movie was pretty stupid, but Rukia and I did laugh quite a few times. I ended up totally dismissing the fact that there was other people in the theater – I only focused on me and Rukia... and it worked. I calmed down, and I was able to enjoy the movie. It wasn't even an especially exciting event, but I can't remember having this much fun in months.

"It was a pretty lame movie, wasn't it." Rukia laughed lightly as we stepped outside into the warm summer air. I smiled lightly and nodded, shoving my hands into my jean pockets.

"It was fun though." I said, glancing down at her. "Thanks... a lot."

"Any time." Rukia grinned up widely at me. She really was pretty. I couldn't believe I had thought she was irritating – I guess I just had to get to know her better. The two of us slid into her car and she finally drove me home. Along the way, this time, there was no awkward silence. We talked, and talked. It wasn't even about anything in particular, it was just endless talking. I liked it, though. I hadn't talked so much with anyone – besides myself – in a long time. Not even Ishida.

I really liked Rukia – she didn't expect much from me, like everyone else I knew. I liked the fact that we could just sit there and talk, or not even talk at all, and we could have a good time. There was no tension, and for once in my life, I felt like I didn't need to shoot up to feel calm and confident.

Once we finally reached my apartment building, I stared up at it through the car window. Finally... I was home. I was slightly afraid to enter my room, actually. I felt so... normal right now. I knew, as soon as I went back into that apartment, the real me would come out again. I didn't want that. Rukia looked at me and thought for a moment. Finally, she spoke. "If you want, I can come pick you up tomorrow and we can go get your car. We can pick up gas and fill it up."

"You don't have to." I said quickly, not wanting to be a bother. Rukia scoffed.

"It's fine." She said. "You work with Ishida, right? I'll stop by early enough so you can get your car and be on time for work."

I stared at her in disbelief. Why the hell was she so nice to me? I had heard about Rukia from Ishida in the past – Ishida told me she was a total brat, with a bad attitude. Was he crazy? She was a damn saint! "Th-thanks..." I said quietly. Rukia smiled in return. Without thinking, I blurted out, "Do you want to go for a walk with me?"

What the hell? I thought to myself. A walk? With her? Why?

"Sure." Rukia blinked. "Around here?"

"Uh, yeah." I said nervously, shrugging. Why was I asking her to walk?! Didn't I want to go home and be alone? What was my problem?

"How about over there?" She suggested, pointing towards the riverbank and park across from my apartment building. My heart clenched. That spot... why did she have to pick that spot...?

"Sure." The words were out of my mouth before I could even think about it. She smiled and unbuckled her seat belt, turning her car off and stepping outside. I quickly followed suit, getting out of the car and shutting the door. Rukia locked the car and the two of us made the short trek across the street towards the riverbank.

"Why did you want to go for a walk?" Rukia asked as we stepped onto the slightly yellow grass. I shrugged.

"Honestly, I'm not sure." I said. "I just kinda...suggested it."

"Ah." Rukia nodded, staring down at her shoes as we walked. I looked to my left, towards the flowing water. I glanced at a patch of grass just beside the small river. There it was... the spot where it happened... The spot where I lost my mother.

I took in short, shaky breaths. I was _not_ going to think about this right now... No way. We walked in silence for a few more moments, and we came to _my_ spot. The small bridge was just ahead of us, and I eyed the small area underneath hungrily. I wanted to go there so bad and just shoot up...

"So how long have you and Ishida been friends?" Rukia asked. I blinked.

"... Since I was 15." I said, thinking for a moment. "About 7 years."

"That's a long time." Rukia smiled. "I only became friends with Orihime during senior year... I hated her before that."

"Ishida and I hated eachother too." I said, laughing. "We were huge rivals... I'm not sure how we got over it."

Rukia was truly a saint – as soon as she began to talk, my mind drifted away from my mother and my spot under the bridge, and it focused on what she was talking about. My urges suddenly disappeared, and my sad thoughts were replaced with funny memories from my past.

We continued to walk along the riverbank, laughing and talking the entire time. I don't remember ever laughing that much in my whole life. At least, in _this_ life of mine. I don't remember any of my emotions from my life before drugs.

Honestly, it didn't matter to me most of the time – but at that moment, when I sat there at the riverbank with Rukia, I wished I was back to my old self – however that old self acted. I wished I could be like her... only having to worry about _normal_, average people shit... Not about when my dealer would be stopping by next, or when I would get my next fix.

Rukia left hours later, telling me she would come by again tomorrow. As soon as she left and I stepped into my dark, dirty apartment, I felt alone once more. I felt as though nothing in life mattered and that all I needed to do was get some heroin flowing through my veins.

I immediately headed for my room, throwing open my closet door and stepping inside. I tugged on the chain on the ceiling and the light bulb flickered, before lighting the small space with a dull, almost orange light. I threw off my long-sleeve shirt, throwing it somewhere on my bedroom floor. I then shut the closet doors and crouched on the floor, pulling out a box from beneath the mess of bent and dirty spoons, used needles, and empty baggies. I opened it and examined its contents. Inside was a lighter, spoons, a bag of china white, a water bottle, lemon juice, and syringes. Beneath all of that was my grandfather's gun. I pulled out the necessary items – including the gun – and set to work.

I quickly prepared the heroin, burning my fingers in the process. It wasn't cooking fast enough... I was impatient... I needed it _now_. Once the china, water, and lemon juice were finally bubbling in the spoon, I threw down the lighter and quickly gathered it into the syringe and wasted no time shooting it into my veins. The all too familiar rush came almost immediately, and I slumped backwards against the wall, needle still in my arm, sighing in content. This is where I belonged... this is where I felt safe.

* * *

**Since I might use terms or mention substances some may not be familiar with, I'll try my best to leave some accurate definitions of each... This is only going by what I personally know about them – if anything is inaccurate, please let me know and I'll change it right away.**

_Chase the dragon – _To burn opium (a black tar-like drug used to create heroin) on tin foil and sniff in the smoke through a straw or a similar object.

_Freebasing – _Smoking pure heroin or cocaine – usually – rather than snorting/injecting the water soluble type. Gives you an amazing high, but is very short lived.

_Jive/Junk – _Street terms for usually marijuana or heroin, but can really be used for any drug

_China White – _Nearly pure form of heroin. Mixed with water and lemon juice or any other absorbic acid and cooked over a flame makes it injectable.

_Shooting up – _A term used sometimes when using heroin

**There we go! Chapter 2! Finally. Haha. I'm so sorry for the very long wait. I hope the chapter was worth it! Also, I hope the little glossary is helpful... I know some readers might be a little confused and I would be so annoyed if I read something and had no idea what was going on.  
Also, I am not a user, so my descriptions may be inaccurate (and I would love for anyone to let me know if I am wrong about anything! I want this to be as real as possible.) and I am not promoting any form of drugs so please do not get this idea. I am simply explaining what I mention in my story to clear up any confusion or curiosity. I also hope I do not offend anyone who is, infact, a user of any type of drug. I hope anyone suffering through an addiction is able to overcome it and become a healthy person once more :)**

**Sorry for the second rant... I just really want to make a point. **

**Until next time! I love you guys so much!**


	3. III

**Hey guys! :) I know it's been quite a while since I updated, so I'm really sorry... I'll do my best to update every story as much as possible as soon as exams are over with. I meant to post this weeks ago but I've been swamped with projects... I'm _so_ sorry, guys. Enjoy this chapter! (Although it is really a sad excuse of a chapter...gah)  


* * *

**

_She lights a candle, but she doesn't know why.  
She wants to save me, but I'm barely alive.  
My soul is thirsty. I just wanna get high.  
Make her go away.  


* * *

_

"Shit..." I groaned, rushing through my house, trying to fix the tie around my neck as I slipped into my leather shoes. Why was it deciding to be difficult _today_? "I'm gonna be late!" I left my tie hanging around my neck and grabbed my briefcase and phone, wrenching my door open and rushing out.

Ishida was going to be furious. Could I never impress the guy? God damn, what was wrong with me? I was always forgetting promises, errands, and favors he's asked of me. Now I'm constantly running late for work? It was a wonder he didn't fire me.

Ishida is probably the greatest person in the world. He knows that in my, er, _state_, finding a job myself is out of the question. No one would hire _me_. After he graduated college, he began to work for a prestigious design company, and a few years later he even got his own company off the ground.

He hired me to work for his company. In fact, he didn't just hire me as an assistant, he assigned me as _head_ of the design department. When he first told me that, I was completely floored. He put so much hope into me, I just couldn't bring myself to slack off... I tried my best to impress him and not make him regret hiring me.

Unfortunately, my habit had gotten out of hand about a year after he started his business, which is where we are now. Now I'm always late and slacking off. I don't _mean_ to be... I just can't help it any more.

So here I was, speeding to work in my car, desperately hoping that Ishida would not notice how late I am. I'm supposed to show the new layout design today – three days late. I was assigned to show it at our meeting back then, but I had thought of ... better things to do, and I never got it done. Ishida was upset, no doubt about that, but allowed me an extension.

I finally made it to work and rushed into the building, swiping my card and checking myself in. I headed into the elevator and up to my floor. As soon as the elevator dinged and the door opened, I meant to rush out, but I froze when I saw Ishida standing in front of it, arms crossed and an angry expression on his face. I winced.

"Hey, Ishida..." I said slowly. Ishida glared at me when he noticed my tie hanging limply around my neck. _Shit_. I forgot to tie it.

"Where the hell have you been?" Ishida hissed, storming over and quickly fixing my tie. I cringed. He's worse than my mother was...

"I just woke up late. I'm sorry Ishida, honestly." I said, mentally slapping myself. Could I not wake up on time? Jesus christ. It's not like it was that difficult. Come on, Ichigo.

"What were you doing last night?" He asked, flattening my tie out in front of my chest, satisfied with his work. "Working on the layout, I hope."

"I got that done a long time ago." I grinned widely, deciding to avoid the question at hand – did he really have to ask what I had been doing last night?

"I'm sure," Ishida rolled his eyes. "That's why it's being presented three days late, right?"

"Only the best for you, Ishida." I elbowed him in the side as we headed for the conference room. We stepped through the large, expensive glass doors and took our places at the head of the large meeting table. I pulled out documents and my laptop from my briefcase and set everything up for when the executives would arrive.

"I am really sorry though." I said once more, breaking the slightly awkward silence. Ishida glanced at me, concern in his eyes.

"Ichigo, I just want you to -"

"I know, I know." I sighed, straightening a pile of papers. I hated having this talk with Ishida. I _knew_ I was an addict, I _knew_ I needed help. I just don't like thinking about it. It was easier not to.

"I'm just trying to help." Ishida said quietly. "I know I'm a bastard sometimes, but it's only because I -"

"Ishida, if you think you're a bastard, there's something seriously wrong with you." I said seriously, staring at his upset face. I felt bad for constantly making him stressed... "If anything, _I'm_ the bastard, putting you through this..."

"Good morning!" A voice boomed through the conference room and I jumped. God damn Shunsui. I _hate_ loud noises. Not to mention loud people. You can imagine my relationship with that annoying, flamboyant asshole.

"Morning, Shunsui." Ishida and I sighed as the man straightened out his light pink dress shirt, taking a seat next to Ishida. Stupid fruit.

The rest of the employees slowly filed in the room, taking their usual spots and watching me expectantly. Once everyone was present and waiting patiently, I cleared my throat and stood up.

"Well," I started. "Today, I'll be showing the new design created for Karakura Motors -"

"Finally." Byakuya said. Renji snickered lightly and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, it is a bit late, but Karakura Motors understood that we were simply working our best to create the best design possible for them." I glared daggers into Byakuya's face as he stared at me calmly, yet oh so mockingly, that god damn smirk on his face.

I hate my job sometimes.

* * *

Last night was a nightmare. It had been two days since I last saw Rukia, and I was a bit on edge. I liked being around her; she made me calm. She made me feel normal. I never wanted to shoot up when she was around.

I had sat hunched-over in my closet the entire day, clutching my grandfather's gun in shaky hands, pointing it towards the closed door as I waited for it to open any second. I had thought there was someone in my house... someone trying to get me.

Of course, I was imagining it. It's not the first time it's happened, nor will it be the last. Once my psychosis had gotten way out of hand, I had decided to install an expensive security system around my whole apartment. I always thought there was someone or something wanting to get me, and I was afraid.

To say in the least, my relationship with Karakura Tech Security was quite strained. I would call them multiple times per week, babbling about some midgets in the tree outside my window, or Mexicans in my bedroom. It was always something new, and it was never real.

Back to last night...

I had shot up very early in the morning, almost as soon as I had woke up. Once I'm awake, the urges start almost immediately and I _need_ a fix, or else I'd be on edge all morning. It's a nightmare, really. A nightmare I can't wake up from.

So I had gotten out of bed, ignoring the random, naked woman next to me and heading for my closet immediately. I didn't care that she was there; they're out of my life after a day. I don't give a shit about them or what they see me do. They're only there for my amusement, and they better be gone when I'm finished with them.

Anyway, I had crouched down and opened my large Jack Daniels tin box which contained all of my junk. It was a little funny, really, that the gift Ishida had gotten me for Christmas years ago was where I kept my little stash. No one knew about it.

I loved opening that box and seeing it full. Some might see it as though you were peering into a casket and staring at death, but I see it as a huge ray of sunshine. As soon as I open that box and see it full, I can practically already feel the rush I'll be getting in a few minutes time.

I wasted no time in shooting up. Once I was finished and simply resting on the floor and soaking up the afterglow, it started. It was only minutes later that I had once again noticed the woman in my bed and it had caused me to panic. What if she was a spy? What if Karakura Tech had sent her?

I immediately rushed over to her, pulling the blanket off of her. She screamed at me and sat up, covering herself. I threw her clothes at her and yelled at her to get out. She had no idea what was going on. I told her I knew her plan and that I wanted her out now, and if she ever came back I'd kill her. Needless to say, she left my house as quickly as her feet would take her (cursing at me the entire way, of course.)

After she left I ran into my closet, shutting the doors and crouching on the floor. I held my grandfather's gun in my hands tightly, pointing it at the door and shaking. I stayed deathly silent. I didn't want to make a single noise... Karakura Tech was spying on me, listening to my every word through their speakers and they could see me through their little cameras. I just knew it.

I sat there for at least an hour, trying to keep my breathing under control, my heart pounding wildly. I then began to think that maybe they weren't spying, but maybe they were sending people for me. Had they called the police on me?! Were they coming to get me?! Maybe the people from the insane asylums were on there way...

Then I realized I was wrong. Karakura Tech wasn't after me; they were the ones _protecting _me. Protecting me from the police that were currently outside of my house!

I gasped loudly as I came to this realization and threw the gun to the floor, jumping to my feet and bursting out of the closet. I quickly grabbed my little bag of heroin and ran out of my bedroom and into the bathroom. I threw it into the toilet and flushed, watching it swirl down the toilet bowl. I grinned in relief. Now they'd never find it.

But wait... that didn't mean they couldn't find _me_. My eyes widened. I needed help!  
I ran to the speaker in my hallway, pushing the panic button for Karakura Tech. Wait, had I pressed it? Maybe I only _thought_ I had... I didn't know for sure.

I then leaned against the wall, sliding down it and huddling in a ball, shutting my eyes tightly. I knew there were people outside... but I didn't know whether they were here to help me or take me away... I rocked myself to sleep that night, falling asleep while crouched in a ball in my dark hallway.

This morning I had awoken to find that no, I had not pressed the button. No one had come to my house, either. It was just another night of insanity and nothing had happened... except for the fact that I had flushed all of my damn heroin. Oh, and I was late for work of course.

I sighed as I parked my car in the lot just outside of my apartment building. Work had been a pain today. I hated having to deal with Byakuya all of the time. I shut off my car and sat there for a few moments, recalling yesterday night and earlier today. I was messed up... all of these drugs were ruining my life, no doubt about it. I just didn't know what to do to fix it all...

I groaned, shutting my eyes and shoving the palms of my hands into my temples viciously. I wanted help... I wanted to be better... I needed someone here for me...

Someone save me...

* * *

**Oh boy, I'm so sorry this chapter was short, guys. Although every chapter is actually short... I would have made it longer but I figured I had made you guys wait way too long already. It was unfair of me so I rushed to correct some mistakes today and I'm posting it now. It's a little rushed because I'm about to leave for the gym and I have a ton of homework so I won't have time for it later... Hopefully you guys aren't too annoyed. I promise I'll work harder on the next chapter.  
I love you all so much, thanks for reading! I would appreciate a review telling me what you thought :) This was a difficult chapter to write, especially the ending scene...  
By the way, guess what I'm doing for my sweet sixteen next month? Oh, nothing special, except... I'M GOING TO SEE MOTLEY CRUE!  
Gah! YES! I'm going on a little road trip to Toronto and we're going to the concert and MuchOnDemand the next day. It's at the Air Canada Centre, and I am insanely excited. You all know I love Nikki Sixx to pieces – he's who this story is based off of, if you think about it – and he's been my idol since I was 10 or 11. When I see him in concert I know I _will_ cry. LOL.  
If you're a MC fan and you'll be in the Toronto area February 4th, consider buying a ticket while they're still available! I guarantee you it'll be worth it.**

**Enough of my chatter. I love you all! Expect an update soon!**


	4. IV

**I am SO sorry. I know it's been ages since I last updated, and I'm not even going to bother giving an excuse because I really don't have a good enough reason. I honestly didn't mean to procrastinate so much! I'm so, so, SO sorry guys. I promise I'll work harder at updating. To make up for it, this chapter's a bit longer than usual... although I'm really unhappy with it. It seems sloppy and rushed. I'm sorry :(  
**

* * *

_She lights a candle, but she doesn't know why.  
She wants to save me, but I'm barely alive.  
My soul is thirsty. I just wanna get high.  
Make her go away._

_

* * *

  
_

I have a new, unhealthy habit.

Lately, I've had the tendency to drink an entire bottle of water before I shoot up, and afterward I wind up in my bathroom, throwing up my entire stomach's contents into my bathtub as I feel my head exploding. I've done it almost every day this past week. Something is wrong with me... I desperately need help. What kind of help, I wasn't sure. I just knew rehab wouldn't do a _thing_, that I knew for a fact.

I've tried rehab once before. Ishida had placed me into it last summer. It was a complete nightmare; I _hated_ it. The counselors kept talking about God and making better choices and I wasn't buying any of it. I figured, who needed God? If he's here to help, he wouldn't have let me get into such a shitty situation in the first place.

One of the nurses would go on and on about God and his plans for us all and I had gotten so fed up that I threw a vase at her and told her to go fuck herself. She acted calm about it, telling me to sit down but I spat in her face and jumped out of the window of the rehab center and ran down the street towards my house, which was pretty far away. They told Ishida about what I had done and he had found me and followed me around in his car, trying to get me to go back. I told him I wasn't going back, and we finally agreed that I could go home.

Ishida promised he wouldn't send me back to rehab as long as we went back to my house and got rid of all of my junk. He drove me home and I let him in, showing him my ritual room – my bedroom closet. Ishida looked nauseated by the burn marks in the carpet, the bent spoons, the empty liquor bottles, and the dirty needles. We spent hours cleaning that closet. We found and removed all of the bindles and plastic baggies of coke, pills, alcohol, syringes, and anything else Ishida considered harmful in any way. It took me at least an hour to convince Ishida to keep my guns. I promised him I would be fine – I could do this without rehab.

As soon as Ishida left, I called James. He came by half an hour later with the cocaine and heroin.

After I got my fix, Ishida came back. He was knocking on the front door and I wouldn't let him in. I was laying on the hallway floor, talking to him through the crack in the front door and pointing my loaded .357 at it. He was trying to get me to go back to rehab and I told him I would die before going back. I threatened to shoot myself if he came in.

Once I came down from my high, I found that Ishida had never came back. It was just my imagination, yet again...

So clearly, rehab didn't work. I don't think it ever will, so I refuse to ever give it a second chance.

Rukia called today; she asked if I wanted to see a movie tonight. Although I did want to see her (we hadn't spoken much since we met a month ago... I've been a bit, well, sidetracked), I said no, making the excuse that I was sick and couldn't leave my house. Thankfully, she understood and hung up without a fight. That usually happened with Ishida; he figured if I wasn't with him, I was shooting up (which is usually the case, but that's not the point). He tried spending as much time with me as possible. That stressed me out, oddly enough, whereas with Rukia I was content because she didn't expect me to do _everything_ she asked of me. Just what I wanted or felt like, really.

I glanced over at the clock built into my microwave. Five in the afternoon. I still had half the day to do something... and I could only think of one thing I wanted to do. I quickly left my kitchen and rushed into my bedroom, throwing open the closet and kneeling down, rummaging through the piles of clothes to find my special box. I had just bought some junk yesterday...

As soon as I found the box, I quickly opened it and pulled out the necessary items. I smiled widely as I held the bag of china white lovingly. Soon everything would be better...

Just as I was about to mix the china, my phone rang. I looked back over my shoulder and glared at the small device vibrating and ringing on my desk. My intention was to simply ignore it, but I realized the tone was slightly different than my usual one. I perked up slightly; it was Rukia calling me. I had set it so that whenever she called, the ringer would be different. This way I knew if it was her calling, and not someone calling to annoy me. Rukia and James were the only ones that had customized ring tones... even Ishida didn't.

I sighed deeply and placed the drugs back into the box, closing it and standing straight. I wasn't going to answer the call, but the moment had been ruined. Thinking about Rukia made me lose interest in shooting up at that moment. "Oh well..." I muttered, shutting the closet doors. "I'll do it later." I decided. I needed a shower anyway, considering I had work tomorrow.

Ignoring the phone that was still ringing, I quickly grabbed a towel and a change of clothes and headed for my bathroom. I took a quick, warm shower. Who knows how long I've needed one for... My hair _was_ getting pretty disgusting. Enjoying the feel of the warm water against my skin, I closed my eyes and ran shampoo through my hair. I really only took showers now because of work. I couldn't show up smelling like shit; Ishida would definitely fire me, best friend or not. If it wasn't necessary, I would probably never shower. Why clean yourself when you'll get dirty again? I think the same thing about cleaning; why clean when it'll get messy again? Why make your bed when you'll sleep in it again? There was no point.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off immediately. I slipped on a pair of boxers, sweat pants and a loose t-shirt. As soon as I threw my dirty clothes into the laundry hamper, my doorbell rang.

"Damn it." I cursed. Who the hell was at my door _now_? I grumbled to myself and walked down the hall, towards the front door. I unlocked it and viciously wrenched it open. "What do you wa--" I cut myself off when I looked down and noticed Rukia looking up at me, smiling brightly. "...Rukia?"

"Hey!" She said cheerfully. "How are you feeling?"

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I asked, ignoring her question. Shit, she thought I was sick...

"I tried calling you," Rukia shrugged. "I left a voice mail, guess you didn't hear it. I figured since you were sick and couldn't go out, I'd bring the movie to you!" She grinned, holding up a plastic bag filled with rented DVDs, cans of Pepsi, and bags of chips.

"Oh...yeah, I didn't get it." I said, mentally stabbing her with a sharp knife. I didn't _want_ anyone around me right now, damn it. "Well uh, come on in." I moved to the side so she could step in. She quickly followed me in and slipped off her shoes, glancing around the apartment. I was thankful all of my junk was in my bedroom; I just had to keep her out of there, and everything would be fine.

"It's so gloomy in here..." She commented, raising an eyebrow and glancing around the entrance. "Have you cleaned this place recently?"

"Not really," I shrugged sheepishly. "I've ah... been busy."

"I see." She smiled. "Maybe I'll help you clean and maybe brighten this place up a bit sometime."

"That'd be nice." I forced a grin.

"Oh my God!" Rukia gasped, turning around to face me. She rushed over and stared up into my face, grabbing my chin and turning it left and right. "You look horrible!"

"Thanks?" I winced under her harsh grip as she continued to examine every inch of my face.

"You're practically see-through!" Rukia exclaimed. "You must _really_ be sick!"

"Yeah... I have a crappy immune system, I get sick really easily... I always look pretty shitty." I shrugged. I was so glad I had told her I was sick; otherwise, thinking up an excuse would have been a bit more difficult. I knew my appearance was due to the drugs.

"That's horrible." Rukia said sympathetically. "I could make you some soup!" She said, heading for my kitchen. I sighed heavily. If she wanted to try and find something that was even edible in that kitchen, it was very likely that it was expired. I never went grocery shopping; I never had a liking for food... The only thing I'm ever hungry for is dope. If I ever do need to eat, though, so that I don't collapse, I just order out.

"I've been sick all week," I said quickly, grabbing Rukia's elbow lightly and tugging her away from the kitchen. "So I haven't gone grocery shopping. I don't have anything you could possibly make soup with. I'm sure I'll be fine, so let's just watch the movies." The sooner we watched them, the sooner she'd leave.

"Alright," Rukia shrugged hesitantly. "I just feel bad."

"It's fine." I said, forcing a light smile. I led her to the living room and she settled herself comfortably on the small couch while I set up the first movie. Once it began to play, I shut off the lights and sat down next to her, irritated by how small my couch was. There wasn't any room between us; my thigh was pressed against hers. I hated bodily contact – unless it was sex, of course. Even then, I'm usually drunk or high. I'm not a touchy-feely person at all.

The movie started with scenery and the film credits, and Rukia grabbed a bag of chips and opened it, placing it between us. She then grabbed two cans of Coke and handed one of them to me. I thanked her and took it, glancing down at it. I hated Coke...

In that moment, an idea came to me. "Rukia," I said quickly, glancing over at her. She paused mid-sip from her can and glanced at me curiously. "I need to use the washroom, okay? I'll be right back – you don't have to pause the movie."

"O-okay..." she said, furrowing her brows as I shot up, placing my can on the carpet. I rushed out of the room and headed for my bedroom. I quickly went into my closet and grabbed everything I needed before rushing into the bathroom.

I shut the door and locked it. Grinning widely to myself, I pulled out the baggie of coke and my razor blade from behind my back. I put a bit of coke onto the heavy marble counter of my bathroom and made quick work of chopping it into a fine white powder with the blade. I'm not sure why, but it seemed as though it was taking ages. Finally, it looked fine enough to me so I glanced around, looking for something I could use to snort it. I didn't find anything. I sighed heavily and dug through my pockets, finding two crumpled dollar bills. I grinned and hastily folded one of them into the proper shape. I folded and rolled until it was to my satisfaction and lined it up with the coke, plugging my left nostril and holding the rolled-up bill to my right nostril.

As soon as I snorted the coke into my nose, a wave of content washed over me. I knew soon enough, I'd feel the release I'd been craving. I finished snorting the remaining coke on the counter and turned on my faucet very slightly, allowing two drops of water to fall into my palm. I quickly held it up to my nose and snorted it to clear my nose. I checked in the mirror for any coke that might've been visible, and once I was satisfied I cleaned everything up, flushed the toilet and ran the sink faucet for Rukia to hear, and immediately headed for my bathroom.

I threw the remainder of the baggie and the blade into my Jack Daniel's box. I also put the rolled up dollar bill in there, just in case. After carefully hiding the box, I left my room and headed back into the living room where Rukia was waiting for me. She was still sitting there comfortably, sipping her drink as she watched the beginning of the movie. She glanced over at me and smiled.

"Fall in the toilet?" She teased as I resumed my place next to her. I chuckled lightly and shook my head.

"Sorry about that." I said. Rukia shrugged it off.

"It's not a problem." She said, turning to smile at me. I returned the smile and she then turned her attention back to the movie. I suddenly began to feel the effects of the cocaine wash over me and I grinned to myself. _Finally_.

I hardly paid any attention to the movie. In that moment all I wanted to do was bask in the _amazing_ feeling the coke was giving me. I leaned back in the couch, resting my head on the top and shutting my eyes. I smiled widely and enjoyed the surge I felt through my whole body. I slowly opened my eyes and looked ahead, staring at the glowing television.

I had no idea what was on, what was being said, or anything else but I blankly stared at the T.V, so absorbed by the flashing lights and moving bodies of the actors. Everything seemed so clear... I didn't know what part of it to focus on. It was all so defined and loud and bright...

I then felt the backdrip beginning, and sighed. Damn it, this was the worst part. I quickly snatched up my Coke, opened it, and proceeded to chug it. I hated the taste and the strong carbonation, but hey, if it gets rid of the backdrip, I'll take it. Rukia noticed me chugging and giggled slightly. I ignored it.

Suddenly, I noticed something crawling in the corner of my eye. I quickly snapped my head to the right, searching the corner of the wall for the intruder. No one. Weird. Wait, there it was! I jolted and turned to the left, glaring at the other wall. Sneaky bastard... kept getting away from me. I _knew_ it was here somewhere...

"Erm, Ichigo... are you alright?" I cringed. Rukia's voice seemed way too loud. I glanced down at her and nodded.

"Y-yeah... I just... thought I saw something." I muttered. She frowned slightly.

"Your eyes..." She muttered. _Ah shit_. I thought. I couldn't let her get a good look at how dilated I knew they were... she'd get suspicious.

"I took some medicine for my cold." I told her. "It's probably just a weird side effect."

"Oh, alright." She nodded, turning back to watch the movie. I exhaled lightly in relief.

I turned my focus back to the colorful, glowing TV. I blankly watched it for a few moments before I felt something crawling up my right arm. I began to scratch it rapidly. Why was it so itchy?!

"Ichigo?" Rukia turned to face me again. "Another reaction?"

I winced, forcing myself to stop scratching at the burning arm. Why the hell was it itching?! "Yeah, sorry. It's fine now."

After that, I forced myself to calm down. It was near impossible, considering how pumped up I was. I just wanted to jump up and throw everything and break something. I managed to force myself to stay in my seat so that I wouldn't make Rukia any more suspicious. I didn't want her to know what was really going on. For the next half hour I continuously clenched my fist open and closed. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself from jumping around.

About halfway through the movie, I could feel the effects of the cocaine slowly wearing off. _Damn it_... I thought. _Maybe I should go take some more_... It seemed like a good idea, but Rukia was cuddling against my side now and I didn't want to disturb her by getting up. I did hate contact with people, but she was unbelievably warm...

Wait, maybe she was _too_ warm. Now that the cocaine was no longer having an effect on my body, everything felt wrong and irritable. She was so warm it practically burned. The TV was too bright, too loud, too overwhelming...

"_Stop_!" I cried, jumping up out of my seat. Rukia gasped and scrambled to sit straight.

"I-Ichigo?!" She exclaimed, standing up slowly and watching me as I knelt down in front of the TV and began to furiously press the buttons.

"Make it stop!" I growled. "Make it stop! I don't want this...goddamn...piece of shit... on my TV! Get it off! I don't want to see it!"

"Woah, woah," Rukia said. "Y-You're talking to fast. What's going on? Are you feeling alright?"

"Shut up!" I snapped. She was taken aback, her eyes widening.

"Ichigo..." She said quietly. "What's wrong with you?"

"Just get out of my house!" I growled. She frowned deeply.

"What?" She was confused. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Everything you're doing is wrong! Just get _out_!" I stood up, heading for Rukia and pushing her in the direction of the front hall.

"H-hey!" She exclaimed. "Let go of me!"

"Go _home_!" I growled, continuing to shove her. She whirled around and slapped my hand away. It stung way more than it should have.

"Fine, I'm going home, you bastard!" She screamed. "Sorry I tried to help you have a little bit of fun!" She shoved her feet into her shoes and threw open the front door. She gave me one last glare before stepping outside and slamming the door shut behind her. I winced at how loud it was.

Once Rukia was out of my house, a surge of panic rushed through me. _Shit_! I just pissed her off!

"Oh no... oh no..." I muttered, pacing back and forth through my kitchen. What was I going to do? She'd never forgive me...

"I need to sleep." I groaned, rubbing my forehead. I decided that I'd take a nap, instead of snorting more cocaine, and let this shitty feeling go away. Once I felt normal again, I'd go to Rukia's house and apologize to her.

I sighed deeply, cursing myself for being a dumbass, and headed for my bedroom.

* * *

After two hours of sleep, I woke up with a slight headache.

I felt like complete shit, but forced myself to get up anyway. I was an ass to Rukia, and I needed to fix it _now_. I shouldn't have done that to her – all she wanted to do was hang out with me. It wasn't like she annoyed me so much that I could only stand her if I was high... quite the opposite, actually, so why the hell did I snort the coke?!

I can't remember why. All I know is that I wish I didn't. I quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth and slipped on my shoes. I grabbed the movies and snacks and put them back in the bag and carried it with me out the door. As I stood in the elevator, I realized something... I didn't even know where Rukia lived.

"Damn it." I muttered to myself, heading outside the apartment building and unlocking my car. I opened the door and threw the food and movies into the passenger seat while I sat in the driver's and pulled out my cell phone. I quickly dialed Ishida's number and held the phone to my ear, waiting for him to pick up.

"Hello?" His phone came over the line moments later and I sighed in relief.

"Ishida, I need a favor." I said. There was a pause, and then Ishida responded.

"What's wrong, Ichigo?"

"Nothing's wrong, Mom." I said quickly, rolling my eyes. Ishida scoffed. "I just need Rukia's address."

"Rukia's address?" Ishida repeated slowly. I nodded, even though Ishida couldn't see me. "Why?"

"Er... I gotta talk to her." I said.

"Well, I've got her phone number?" Ishida offered.

"No," I said quickly. "Her address, please."

"I don't think that's such a good idea..."

"Why not?" I frowned. Ishida sighed.

"Whatever, never mind." He said quickly. "It's 4251 Senbonzakura Drive."

"Why does that sound really familiar?" I raised an eyebrow. Ishida didn't respond. "Whatever, thanks Ishida."

"No problem. By the way, the code's 8, 3, 6, 1, 9."

"Code?" I frowned, but Ishida had already hung up. "Whatever," I sighed, shutting my phone. I grabbed a pen from the floor of my car and wrote the code on my hand, before I forgot it, just in case. I started my bar and began the drive to Rukia's house. I knew that Rukia's street was where the richest people in Karakura lived. Hm. I should have figured, considering she does have a nice car...

It was quite a drive from my apartment, considering I live in a shithole, but once I arrived on her street and found the correct house, I understood why Ishida gave me a code. Rukia's house was at the very end of Senbonzakura drive, up a small hill, and there was a large metal gate blocking the way. "Holy shit..." I muttered to myself. I drove up to the gate and leaned out my car window, noticing the keypad. I quickly read the code off my hand and typed it into the machine. The gate clicked and slid to the right, allowing me entrance.

I continued to drive up the path to Rukia's house, and my eyes widened once I could see it clearly. I understood why there was a gate now... Rukia's house was _massive_. It looked like one of those celebrity houses I see on TV all the time. In front of it, parked all the way around the circular gravel driveway, were a few cars. They were all in perfect condition – unlike mine – and ridiculously shiny. I quickly parked far away from those cars and stepped outside.

I let out an impressed whistle as I walked towards her house, examining the expensive brick, intricately decorated windows, and perfectly groomed plants surrounding the house. Once I was closer to the cars, I couldn't help but examine them. Once I recognized their brands I was absolutely shell-shocked. There was Rukia's black CTS-V, of course, along with three other cars. I was absolutely blown away. There was a Mercedes SL600 and a Porsche Panamera. ...What? Who the hell _was_ Rukia? Why could she afford these cars? None of them were worth anything less than 70 grand! Hell, the Mercedes itself had to be nearly two hundred grand. I never thought I'd see either of those cars in person. Once I saw the final car in the driveway, though, everything made sense.

I only knew one person who drove that obnoxious, shiny gold convertible BMW to work every damn day – only because it was the cheapest car he owned and he didn't want to ruin his other _babies_. I also realized out why I recognized the address.

"Byakuya..." I muttered to myself bitterly, shoving my hands into my jean pockets and quickly heading for the front door. So they must live together, then. Wait... what?! Maybe they were related? "They do look a lot alike, I guess..." I muttered. Shit, so I was becoming friends with my worst nightmare's relative. Only I would be so unlucky.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts, and stepped onto the large front porch. I took in a deep breath and rang the doorbell. I heard it echo inside the house and after a few moments I heard the light footsteps across the floor. I took in a deep breath and waited. Finally, the door slowly opened and Rukia's head poked out. Her violet eyes looked up to meet mine and she blinked curiously.

"Ichigo?" She said, opening the door and standing straight, frowning slightly. "What do you want?"

I winced. She clearly wasn't very happy with me. "I just wanted to say sorry." At this, Rukia raised an eyebrow. She moved to close the door in my face, but I quickly held it open with my foot just before it could slam shut. I winced when it closed in on my thin shoe, but didn't show a reaction. Her eyes widened and she quickly lifted the door off of my foot, looking up at me.

"Listen Rukia, I really am sorry about earlier." I sighed. "I guess the medicine I took just had a really bad effect on me. It probably just wasn't good for me to be around people or doing much but sleeping after I took it." It was a little sickening how casually I was lying. It didn't even feel like I was lying; it felt like I was telling her the truth. "I know that's not a good enough excuse, though, and I'm really sorry for being a jerk. I really didn't mean it." Rukia watched me sympathetically.

"You freaked me out a bit." She admitted, shrugging lightly. "I wasn't sure what was going on. And you were being all grabby and... it was just out of nowhere, so I was shocked. I guess I'm sorry too... for yelling." She smiled up at me and I couldn't help but smile back.

"If you're willing to give me a second chance..." I said, pulling the bag of movies and snacks out from behind my back, "Maybe we can start over?" I asked hopefully. Rukia grinned widely and nodded.

"My brother's out with a friend, so right now is a perfect time!" She said happily. Ah, so Byakuya must be her brother. "Come in!" She urged, waving me in. I laughed lightly and followed her inside the house, examining the vast, well-decorated entrance. It did make sense; Byakuya never let us forget about his huge inheritance from his billionaire parents.

"You have a really nice house..." I couldn't help but be amazed at how gorgeous everything was. Rukia smiled.

"Thanks. My mom was really into the whole home décor thing..." She shrugged. "Come on, living room is this way."

Thankfully, this time we watched the movies peacefully. I actually paid attention to them, talked with Rukia, and managed to have a lot of fun. I was surprised at how easy it was to enjoy simply sitting down and watching movies with someone. I just wish I hadn't screwed it up in the first place...

I felt bad for doing that to Rukia. I knew she only wanted to be my friend and I was being a dumb shit by getting all doped up around her. She didn't need that. I knew being around Rukia was good for me; she made me forget about the drugs. When I was with her, I didn't _need_ the drugs. I had something else to focus on; her. I just had to try and get used to this and break my habit when I'm around her. I just hoped I wouldn't pull anything like this again... next time I might not be so lucky and be forgiven so easily.

Please, God, or anyone... whoever it is that's up there...

Don't let me fuck this one up.

* * *

_About cocaine;_ the process of preparing it is just as described in the story. Around 20 minutes or so after snorting the cocaine, you will get 'backdrip' coming from your nasal cavity down your throat – it's snot mixed with the drug – and it is absolutely revolting, so drinking a strong-tasting drink helps, or just ignoring the taste if you can. Anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour or so after snorting the cocaine, the effect wears off and you might become angry and irritable unless you do more lines.

* * *

**There you have it! Chapter four... I can't believe it's only been 4 chapters – I've made you guys wait so long for only FOUR of them?! Jeez, I suck! I need to step up on my game... I'm seriously so sorry guys. I'm just the biggest procrastinator ever. This wouldn't have even been up tonight but I felt really bad so I forced myself to finish it, hence why it may seem a bit rushed. That's okay though, at least it's up. Maybe I'll edit it later.  
Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and start the next chapter 'cause I know I'm a total jerk and take _way_ too long to update... I love you all so freakin much! Thanks for reading!**

_P.S I had a lot of fun with the cars. Haha I'm a total car freak, but I'm not that into those uber-expensive cars and I knew Byakuya owning crazy cars like the Bugatti and such would be way too crazy so I decided on a biiiit cheaper cars... Haha. I did stick with a Porsche, though...Although I could totally see him owning a Veyron, couldn't you?  
If anyone's interested, the cars they own are these:_

2010 Cadillac CTS-V in black  
2009 Mercedes-Benz Sl600 in black  
2009 BMW M3 Convertible in gold  
2010 Porsche Panamera in silver

_And if anyone was wondering, Ichigo owns a 2006 Mitsubishi Eclipse coupe in black. A nice but affordable car. Although it is pretty beat up... Not the greatest. He doesn't take good care of it. LOL_


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